A Lighthearted Query on Raising Children

by Leesa Whitson

Having been raised in the mainstream Christian faith of last century, I struggle with the language of disciplining my children in the manner of Quakers. Sometimes it just doesn’t translate. “If thee doesn’t get it in gear, thee will be left behind” is undeniably more gentle than “In the car! NOW!” Somehow, though, the urgency just doesn’t come through properly.

“You won’t like the consequences” doesn’t have the same dire ring to it with Quaker children because they ask “why?” It sort of takes the zing out of the moment.

So how does a Quaker parent model the ‘searching out Truth’ thing while telling her child to “just do it, it’s for your own good, trust me”? Being grounded could be restated as ‘staying-home-tocontemplate- what-the-inner-light-said-not-what-yourbuddy- told-you-to-do’.

It’s a long phrase, but with hyphens and an appropriately grave tone it could have weight. ‘Time Out’ could be described as Silent Worship with Attention to Trouble but it risks negative connotations for First Day.

I’ve adopted a style of trying to parent my children as I want them to parent my grandchildren. It’s not easy. I don’t want to hear my adult children saying, “Your grandma always used to say ____ and have a horrified look wash over my grandchildren’s faces. I also don’t want my grandchildren to think smashing granny’s bric-a-brac or lighting granny’s cat on fire for fun is okay, either. So it’s a fine line.

I’ve settled on the question itself as a solution for now. I can’t always formulate it in the heat of the moment, so let me translate. Sometimes “What on God’s green earth were you trying to accomplish with that little stunt?” comes out as simply as, “HUH????” Simply add raised or lowered eyebrows, narrowed eyes and hands on hips for variety. It’s a basic system, but so far it works.