Query #4 - Harmony in the Meeting

What can we do to deepen our relationships with one another? How does gender affect the way we relate to each other?
How does our meeting balance the needs for honesty and kindness? What topics do we avoid for the sake of "unity"?
When in conflict with others, do we cultivate a forgiving spirit? Do we look to that of God in ourselves and seek to address that of God in those with whom we disagree?

Relationships grow deeper simply by gathering and plugging into the energy of the meeting. All groups are flowing systems, and we could do much by simply recognizing that energy. Within our meeting, roles defined by gender seem not to matter much, and leaders are found among both men and women.

Within our Meeting, however, we do not always balance the needs of honesty and kindness. On potentially contentious issues, we often are eager or willing to speak honestly, but sometimes we lack the requisite kindness that would lead to harmony. And one is reminded of something a Friend said once in Meeting: That is better to be kind than to be right.

Do we cultivate a forgiving spirit. Some of us have trouble with the word “forgive,” because it necessarily follows a sense of transgression. If there is no transgression, there is no need to forgive. When it works best, achieving a “sense of the Meeting” evolves without hurt feelings or wounding disagreements. But sometimes a member feels strongly enough to stand in the way of a Meeting minute. This is viewed as a natural consequence to the Friendly process. Although this is a consequence that does not lead to harmony, it need not be viewed as transgression.

One is reminded, too, that “harmony” does not imply that we all sing the same note; it is a blending of our singular visions, opinions and voices. And harmony is not silence; it takes active participation.