Remembering Reva Griffith

"We come to celebrate this fine Quaker's life and that she shared it with us as a Meeting and as a person. Recently I got an email from Reva talking about the people she missed who had left the meeting in the last year or two but then she went into happy detail about the new people who were attending and she wrote "Meet­ing is still a place I cherish."

One of the defining characteristics of Penn Valley Meet­ing is that it is a meeting of newcomers seeking a way. That was the exciting characteristic when I first began to come. Soon after my arrival in Kansas City, John and Reva came from Iowa and there was such a flurry of wanting to understand what a Quaker is, how to be peace­ful, live a simple life, and be good to one another. In those days there were long walks to Virginia Oldham's house where Meeting for Worship was held, picking up

Friends along the way. There are Meetings for Worship, Meetings for Business, meetings for eating, and there were Meetings for Walking. Once at a conference at camp Reva and other Quaker women and children went for a walk on a bright starry night. We came into a meadow, and for an instant there was an opportunity and it seemed all the stars from everywhere were with us and we were heaven-are heaven. The experience was beyond words-it was a moment when words are not enough. Sitting here on the Bear Creek benches from Reva's child­hood Meeting is that universal sense one finds among friends everywhere-and privilege.

The gift we have had in the life of Reva Griffith is im­measurable, something each one of us will carry as a loss but also as a celebration she gave us.

I thank God that I had the privilege of knowing Reva if only for a short time. She gave me peace in the way she presented herself. It was a joy. I feel lucky [ got to know her a little more because we did the dishes together. The quietness and strength of her spirit will probably be with me `til the day I die.

For many years barking dogs on either side of the Meet­ing House have been a distraction but this morning I was almost disappointed when the dog stopped barking. Something about its howling and growling and bark ex­pressed a part of me. It did better than words.

This morning when I arrived, I saw a single rose on the facing bench (Reva's seat) and I thought, "But of course.' One of the many memories I have was looking forward to pot luck because I wanted to see what Reva made. I have some of her recipes and I made a batch of banana bread using her recipe. This morning, let's break bread in honor of Reva.

Abraham Lincoln said that after the age of forty we are responsible for the way we look and whenever I looked at Reva's face I saw testimony to what she believed and the way she spent her live. To follow up, Reva Griffith was a Quaker lady.

John: "I'm aware that many of you are here out of love and respect for Reva and I thank you for that." I'm one of the babies here and Reva showed me the way. As a Meeting, I don't know how we'll get along without her, but I know there are others who can show the way.

I once told Reva she was a role model for aging grace­fully and she just smiled. And as I think about it I can't think of anyone who filled the word graciousness more­.

Kansas City has always been like home for me, and a large part has been Penn Valley Meeting. 1 grew up in this meet­ing. John and Reva have been a strong centering point in my life. I haven't always been here but I thought they always were here.

I know it was difficult for John to make the journey to Meeting House last week to tell us about Reva. I'm very grateful that he did and that he cared enough about us to have us by his side. And the sharing of those deeply mov­ing e-mails that helped us be by his side during the week and for sharing the peacefulness and the love in Reva in her final moments.

Last Sunday their places were empty and I wondered what was wrong. It took a lot of courage for John to come down here to tell us about Reva.

John: "It was difficult but you folks are my spiritual com­munity."

Reva seemed to approach life as a novice and maybe that's why we thought she was so wise - because she didn't pre­tend to have the answer.

She wasn't able to lie even when she thought she should. I always wondered what Reva was like as a little girl. The picture in my head is not that different. She would have had the same kindness and curiosity, the person you want to grow up to be.

I reread This Song's for You and thought how lucky their sons were to have John and Reva as parents. Once I asked her what was it like when those four boys grew up to be teenagers. She replied "It was hell, really."

In the seventies the first two people we met were John and Reva, and Reva invited us to the program. We were afraid to get too involved. The next year when we came again, she said how nice to see you again. She had that kind of memory for people.

One of her gifts was to mode) priorities from the inside out. She was older than I but able to get more done in the midst of the same chaos. The most important thing was to set a foundation for children. Reva was a living model of not getting priorities confused. She would go back to the source, to what's important. Everything felt like it was a gift from the creator. She did what was there in the mo­ment.

She was completely genuine. She didn't set herself up as anything special. She was completely sincere. She was authentic. You can't make yourself humble or modest. Either you have it or you don't. She was the real thing. Once I said to her I love you Reva and she said I love you too and that was it. None of the adjectives are quite right. All the extra unimportant stuff had fallen away and she was just a human being.